Your Loved Ones And Addiction

What To Do If You’re Worried That A Loved One Has An Addiction

If you are concerned that your loved one may be addicted or misusing a substance, there is hope for recovery. One of the first and most difficult steps for a person who misuses substances is admitting there is a problem, and it sometimes requires a loved one to help change their perspective. Staging an intervention with other supportive people in their life can help them see their substance use more clearly and may increase their openness to getting treatment.

The following may be helpful when considering how to talk to a loved one about addiction. Before confronting your loved one about their substance use, you could:

• Learn as much as possible about how addiction develops and the substance of use.
• Talk to an addiction professional, counselor, mental health professional, social worker, or interventionist to help you prepare for the intervention and become aware of possible outcomes.
• Have clear examples of what has led to your concerns about their substance use.
• Take notes ahead of time to express your concerns more clearly.
• Be sure they are not intoxicated and in as neutral a state as possible before bringing up your concerns.
• Ask other people who know your loved one to be a part of an intervention team and make a clear plan for the discussion.
• Decide ahead of time what outcome you hope for and what realistic actions you might take in the event of various outcomes. For example, if your loved one does not decide to get treatment, perhaps you or they will move out. Remember only to communicate the actions you are ready and willing to take, not empty threats.
• Be aware that strong emotional responses may occur. Try to stick to the facts and possible solutions, which can make the intervention more effective.

Addiction is a brain disorder that only a qualified healthcare provider can diagnose. However, there are certain signs you can look for if you’re worried about a loved one.

Signs Your Loved One Has An Addiction

There are multiple indications that a person may have developed an addiction after chronic substance misuse. Mental health professionals use the following set of 11 criteria from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (5th ed.) to identify addiction development:

• Using the substance in greater amounts or for longer periods than originally intended
• Desiring to cut back or stop using, but they are unable to
• Increasing the amount of time spent obtaining, using, and recovering from the substance
• Craving the substance
• Experiencing an inability to complete duties at work, school, or home due to substance use
• Continuing to use the substance despite social or relational problems caused by use
• Giving up previously important activities or commitments due to substance use
• Repeatedly using the substance in physically dangerous situations
• Continuing to use the substance despite knowing that it is causing or worsening psychological or physical problems
• Developing tolerance to the substance of use
• Experiencing withdrawal symptoms when substance use is abruptly reduced or stopped

Not all of the above criteria are necessary to diagnose a substance use disorder (SUD) or addiction. If you have noticed any of these symptoms in your loved one, getting a professional assessment can be helpful to determine their diagnosis and get connected with further addiction resources.

How Addiction Affects A Household

The effects of addiction reach far beyond the person who is misusing substances. There can be a significant impact on the family and society at large. Those who are closest to the person with a SUD, particularly those living in the same home, may experience the most hurt or difficulty as a result of their addiction. The effects of addiction on a family and household may appear in a variety of categories.

Relationships And Emotions

Living with a person who is struggling with addiction can cause confusing emotions and add stress to relationships. Seeing someone you love engage in substance misuse and lose control over their life may trigger a wide range of emotions toward them. Feelings of resentment, frustration, anxiety, fear, depression, shame, guilt, or embarrassment are common. Yet, having those feelings toward someone you love may be confusing and is likely exhausting.

Behaviors that sustain their substance misuse, such as lying, stealing, or other harmful actions, may be surprising and hurtful. Yet, rather than wanting to end the relationship, you may wish they would stop using their substance so things could “go back to normal.” However, people with substance use disorder often cannot simply quit because addiction has changed the way their brain works.

The difference between their physical, emotional, or social responses and capabilities can cause significant stress upon their relationships. It may be challenging to express the concerns and complicated emotions that arise as your relationship with your loved one changes. This burden can feel isolating, but you are not alone. Many have found hope in treatment and repaired their relationships during recovery.

Family Stability And Development

Effects on the family members of people who have a SUD can cause long-lasting and sometimes irreversible damage, particularly when children are involved. Chronic substance misuse and addiction can bring an increase of violence into the home. This may come from external sources or as a direct result of actions taken during intoxication or withdrawal states.

Violence may present as physical, emotional, sexual, or other forms of abuse. Then, with a loss of trust and lack of safety, families may break up through divorce, separation, or removal of children by protective services. If children are not removed, they are at an increased risk for adverse childhood events (including trauma, abuse, neglect, and separation) that can lead to long-term social and mental difficulties.

Children who are born to mothers who misused substances during pregnancy are also at risk. Drug or alcohol use during pregnancy can lead to lifelong cognitive disabilities or birth defects. Mothers who continue to struggle with substance use disorder after birth may be less sensitive and emotionally available for their infants. The care an infant receives in their first years can significantly affect their ability to attach and form healthy relationships later in life.

Additionally, parents who have children with a SUD may struggle with how to help their child. This struggle may lead to feelings of guilt, frustration, helplessness, anger, or depression as they wonder why their child is making poor decisions. The stress from these experiences often leads to an overall negative effect on parent-child relationships.

Financial Hardships

Chronic use of drugs or alcohol can quickly lead to financial difficulties. If you share finances with your loved one, the money spent on substance use can create a heavy burden on you. You may feel the need to continue supporting them but are unable to control how they spend their money.

In addition, substance misuse may cause a person to lose their job or rely on public assistance. If the person with an addiction is the primary breadwinner or provides a significant financial contribution, this may lead to tenuous financial situations for everyone who depends on them.

If you’re seeing these effects at home, it may be time to help your loved on seek treatment.

How Can I Find Help For A Loved One Dealing With Addiction?

The beginning of the journey to recovery can feel daunting, but help is available. There are many levels of addiction treatment and specialized tracks for recovery that may benefit people in different stages or severity of addiction. Finding an addiction treatment program that meets your loved one’s individual needs can set them up for greater success in the long term.

Your primary care physician is a good place to start for an addiction assessment and to learn more about the different levels of care treatment can offer. Additionally, community-based programs or support groups can provide another source of encouragement within a person’s local community. These often become an integral part of a person’s recovery journey during formal treatment and throughout their lifetime.

How Can I Support A Family Member Who Is Struggling With Addiction?

Providing helpful support for a family member struggling with addiction may not be intuitive. Often, to help a loved one with a SUD, a person must change the way they think or speak about substance use and addiction. Stigmatizing language has been used for years to refer to people and actions associated with SUDs. But, using terms that imply that a person “has” a problem instead of “is” a problem can help change their mindset about getting help and feeling supported.

Another way to support a loved one is by examining your current actions to see if they are inadvertently enabling their substance use. For example, actions that may help them initially, like providing financial support, could be detrimental to their long-term health. Even though you do not want to make it easier for your loved one to misuse substances, sometimes it can be difficult to know how to help. Some examples of enabling behaviors include:

• Continuing to provide money for your loved one, even though they keep using it for substance misuse.
• Providing a place for your loved one to live, even if they are not contributing as they should.
• Bailing a loved one out of jail or minimizing other consequences of substance misuse.

While these actions are not always harmful, when applied to a relationship where one person has an addiction, they can make unhealthy behavioral patterns worse. Speaking to a counselor or professional about how to help your loved one and yourself can be extremely helpful, helping you both heal.

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What If We Both Have An Addiction?

If both you and your loved one have an addiction, it is important that you get the help you need. It is possible that you may be ready for treatment, but your loved one is not. Attempting to begin the path of recovery and achieve sobriety while living with someone who is still misusing substances can be extremely difficult.

You may find that they are not supportive of your goals toward recovery. Or, seeing you attempt to get healthy may cause them to have negative emotions toward you, such as jealousy for being able to get clean while they are not, anger for “leaving them” in the world of addiction, or many other possible emotions with varying reasons.

You cannot control your loved one’s actions or emotions, but you can take control of your own. The most important step you can take toward helping your loved one is first taking care of yourself. Find help for your own addiction, begin your journey toward recovery, and show them that healing is possible. To do so, you may need to leave or distance yourself from your loved one until they seek recovery for themselves or become supportive of your journey.

How To Distance Yourself From Someone With A Substance Use Disorder

Substance use disorders do not only impact the person who is using substances but often have a significant impact on the people closest to them. While it can be hard, sometimes the best thing you can do to help your loved one with addiction is to take care of yourself. Self-care may require setting boundaries, leaving, or taking other actions to separate yourself from your loved one.

Boundaries may look different in each relationship, but some examples include:

• Moving out, or determining that they move out, of a shared household.
• Letting your loved one know that you can no longer bail them out of difficult situations because it is not affordable, dangerous, or simply draining.
• Lovingly suggesting they get a therapist or counselor to speak to about their difficulties if you feel drained by your interactions with them.
• Refusing contact (physically, verbally, or any kind of communication) when they are intoxicated or actively using substances.
• Speaking up when they are engaging in dangerous behaviors. (This could mean calmly communicating to them your concerns about the behavior before you disengage or calling 911 or a crisis intervention hotline to have others help your loved one.)
• Not apologizing for prioritizing your own needs.

Distancing yourself from someone with a SUD can be extremely difficult and even traumatic. Joining a support group may help you focus on your own healing and provide the encouragement you need to hold to healthy boundaries.

Tips For Living With A Person In Recovery

Recovery from addiction is a lifelong journey, and supporting a loved one in recovery may require changes to your usual way of living. Addiction treatment is not a “cure,” and maintaining sobriety with a recovery mindset requires determination for the rest of a person’s life. Managing an addiction and a loved one’s needs is not easy, and it is important for everyone to do their best with recovery involvement. But it can be challenging to cope with addiction alone, whether you are a person with a substance use disorder or a loved one. By seeking help, you can find community and begin to heal.

Have Realistic Expectations Surrounding Recovery

Healing from addiction takes time, and the consequences of addiction may linger for a while. You and your loved one may struggle with associated financial burdens, health problems, or relationship issues as the mind and body relearn how to live without substances. The number of things that need to be “fixed” may feel unending, but it may help to take one problem at a time. Getting help from a financial advisor, scheduling routine doctor visits, and enrolling in family-based therapy can give you the support you both need to heal from each problem.

Assist Your Loved One With Sobriety

The best support for a person in recovery may also require you to make changes. Certain places, people, or events may trigger cravings for a person in recovery. Finding out what those things are and trying to minimize their presence in your loved one’s life can help you both move forward in due time.

For most, creating a substance-free home environment is essential to avoiding relapse, particularly in the early stages of recovery. You can help them stay sober by removing any drugs or alcohol from the home while they are in rehab and choosing not to use substances in their presence.

It may be difficult for them to fill their time after having spent significant portions of their time, money, and energy obtaining, using, and recovering from substance use. Help your loved one’s recovery by coming up with other activities to fill their time and use their mental energy. It is easier to say no to substance use when other enjoyable activities are waiting for them.

If you think your loved one has relapsed or is at high risk of relapse, take action. Encourage them to attend their support groups, call their sponsor if they have one, or speak with the therapist. Relapse is a common aspect of substance use recovery, but there are resources to help avoid it and heal from it. It does not have to be a recurring part of everyone’s journey.

Help Your Loved One By Supporting Yourself

You cannot help your loved one if you are not healthy yourself. Being in a close relationship with a person in recovery can be emotionally and physically draining. In time, you may feel burnout, isolation, or increased stress from the difficulties associated with recovery. Finding support for yourself outside the home can help you maintain resiliency to support your loved one and keep up your own healthy habits. Al-Anon is a free community-based support group for family and friends of alcoholics. Many other support groups for family and friends of people in recovery exist as well.

Additionally, continuing to learn about addiction can help you maintain a positive and hopeful long-term perspective. A correct understanding of addiction may allow you to have realistic expectations and offer helpful support to your loved one. You can also remain involved by participating in outpatient family therapy with your loved one. Family therapy can give you a chance to verbalize your own struggles, understand where your loved one is on the path to recovery, increase communication and relationship skills, and gain a professional third-person perspective on real situations in your life.

Find Support For Drug And Alcohol Addiction

If you or a loved one are struggling with substance misuse or addiction, treatment can help. Supporting a loved one with an addiction may require that you help them figure out which treatment center is right for them.

Explore our rehab directory or speak to a treatment provider to begin the path to recovery today.